Thursday of Love

It is, once again, Love Thursday at Shutter Sisters. I can't tell you how much I love these roses from my old yard, everything about the way flowers smell, photographing flowers, getting flowers, giving flowers and how fickle I am about just about everything.

I say that because just a few months ago, I was completely immersed in vegan cooking (due to its non-dairy attributes) and this month I'm completely immersed into photography. The Shutter Sisters blog just gets me going and my mind racing and my heart stressed because I just don't have the time to devote to it that I wish I did. Now that I write this, I realize, maybe I'm not as fickle as I think. I loved to photograph the food I made, this new photography blog is just new inspiration to go and photograph more than just oatmeal cookies.

I like that view much better.

Anyway, Love Thursday. The photo of the rose above, you may have seen before. I remember when I took it, how the rose smelled, how each petal felt velvety to my touch, how the veins were so delicate and yet stood out to me and seemed to embody strength and femininity and fragility all in one little package of sweet smelling beauty.

Love. We (I) must remember to do it more.

Just Watched: Lost (Season Three)

So, we finished season 3 of Lost. We had to get it rented and watched before the season opening which will be Jan 31. We'll (ahem, I will, hopefully Mister will be coerced into watching it with me) watch season 4 as it unfolds on prime time television. I'm not a prime time teevee gal. I don't like being tied to the television 'cause I'm hooked on a program. In that light, don't try calling Thursday nights, I'll be busy.

Have you watched any of this? I just really want to know what, who, where, why and how it all boils down to the end. AND... will they leave it as a cliff hanger? You know that's always a possibility, but that will seriously tick me (and I am sure many others) off.

the long haul ~ edition XVI

aka tumult, turmoil, unrest.

early last year, i started this... this... whatever it is i'm going through. you may call it a mid-life crisis or an awakening or cause for a trip to the psych-ward, whatever it is, its here, its back... again... still.

when mister and i got engaged last may, life changed irrevocably. my focus went from me, me, me to planning a wedding for us and all the joy and happiness and stress that comes with planning an event and getting married and moving and changing everything about my life. don't get me wrong, i'm happy about it. its just that before the engagement i had started pondering things about my life and goals and direction. i was in turmoil about what i was 'supposed' to do with life and where was i going and how was i going to get there and just exactly what is it that i want. the new big thing became the wedding and i had a new focus and it wasn't just me. for several months, i had something external and pretty much all encompassing to think and fret about and then there was the honeymoon and then the holidays and then... nothing. a huge breath of air wafted over me and there was a silence. it was like being at a big party or a concert and you walk outside or into a bathroom or wherever and the noise is quite suddenly dampened. i was, once again, alone in my head with my thoughts of me.

there was of course the post wedding let down, then there was the post holiday let down. you know, we all go through some version of those. but when all that cleared and i was able to focus on the din, i realized i was right back where i started last april. right back in the fray of my swirling thoughts and energy. where am i going, what am i doing, what do i want, how do i get there.

so, here i am. writing it down as a form of catharsis. a vehicle from which i hope to gather myself.

i know there's peace and beauty there, i'm just having trouble seeing it, focusing on it, being aware of it, knowing how to see it for what it is.

I discovered ... and I want

I discovered (well, sort of, its not like I'm Magellan) this site called Shutter Sisters. Its calls to me like the high wind in the poplars or the lone wolf howling at the moon on a ridge across a valley. Its barely audible, but I know its there and I'm not quite sure which way to turn to get a better hold on the call. Though it is comforting knowing I have begun the search.

I want to be an amazing photographer. For now, I'm practicing on Harley. He's a good sport.

Just Read: Defying Hitler

Author: Sebastian Haffner

A look into pre WWII Germany from the eyes of a German who in no way supported Hitler as his rise to power became all encompassing.

I don't know about you, but I think most people have at one time or another in their lives asked the question, how could Germans, who are seemingly regular people just like you and me, have let the monster Hitler come to power and do the terrible, terrible things he did to the Jews and the Blacks and anyone else who didn't fit his ideal human spec as outlined by Hitler himself? How is it possible to go blindly?

Sebastian Haffner, who was one of those Germans living in Germany before the war, gives us some of his answers to those questions. Most Germans were regular people; Hitler had a PhD in mind games; terror in any form will make a regular person do things and ignore things until there is seemingly no way out.

It was a fascinating read full of 'behind the scenes' information about the lives of the regular people who were swept away in the melee. I'm glad I read it, I'm sad, I wonder about myself now and how would I have reacted, how would I have coped, would I have done my part whatever that was, would I have been swept up in the surge and been an unintentional Nazi like so many others when their lives and families were threatened? I want to believe that my answer to each of these questions is the "right" answer. I hope I'm left wondering and never have to really find out the true answers.

And One Sweet Lovely Picture of my Heart

His name is now Harley - Bear. Check back with me in a few weeks, or more likely days and he'll have a new nick name.

Joy

I want this necklace called Joy made by this Superhero. She has several necklaces and I think a few bracelets all with wonderful names like Joy, Pyrex, Grass and Sea. I know that you can't know what a person's life is really like unless you are them or at the very least live with them, but this woman seems to have real joy and peace and is just the right amount of earthy blended with beauty. She also writes and thinks and opines in an almost melodic way. My opinion anyway. Do I just not take enough time? Am I writing (ok blogging) by the seat of my pants when I really should be cracking the thesaurus in my brain and maybe reading more Tolstoy and Hemmingway for inspiration and guidance? All good questions.

Or, I could get the necklace as a gift for someone else.

Thanks (a lot) Miss Colleen for turning me on to that blog!@!

Just Watched: Planet Earth - BBC Series

The original BBC version - ie narrated by David Attenborough not Sigourney Weaver - amazing and beautiful and holy cow. So worth watching the entire series. Its our planet and its beyond our (read my) imagination. I would have to say my favorite part was the birds and their mating rituals. But, the aerial scenes of migrating birds and caribou. It was breathtaking.

PS - 25 degrees when I got up this morning.

Here's to Monday

Its Monday!

Its cold (and windy)! 27 degrees Fahrenheit when I left home this morning.

Its a full moon! The most beautiful, large, round, craterous, full moon this morning. Alas, no photo as I was driving when I noted it and by the time I arrived at my destination, the lunar orb was below the horizon.

It will be a Miss Colleen day! I am bummed I missed her this weekend. Tried to hook up with her Saturday, but timing kept being against me. Mister and I went to dinner thinking she'd be done with her other planned dinner and ready for a cocktail by the time we got done. I never hear my phone ring. I missed her call :(. I should probably change my ring tone to something more obnoxious (if that's possible) so I hear it.

Its going to be a busy week.

Its all I have for this morning.

PS - Yeah! I just had lunch with Miss Colleen. So, so fabulous to see you and chat in person for the first time in 2 (two) years. Can't believe its been that long. To quote Billy Crystal "You look mahvelous!" WHY didn't I take any pictures ??? Doh!

Just Watched: The Real Dirt on Farmer John

The film wasn't what I thought it was going to be. It seemed to me more of a self-promotional film where John Peterson tells his story. The story of his life from childhood to present day where he is an organic farmer on a farm in, I believe, Illinois called Angelic Organics. I thought the film was going to be more of a 'here's my struggle to become an organic farmer and how and why we've chosen organic over a chemical way of farming". Or, here's why food should be organic and how we became an organic farm to meete the needs of people who eat. Well, I guess it sort of is that film, but the way he got there wasn't what I'd think of as the routine route. He didn't become incensed with the chemical companies or get sued by Monsanto for use of its seed without license or have family members who became deathly ill due to the toxins, he just got a phone call from someone who wanted to buy his products through the means of a CSA (community supported agriculture). Its all well and good, its just the movie was a little ... odd. Worth watching I suppose, just for the entertainment value.

Black Balloons

Making CO2 real.

Everyone should watch this video.

A perspective on energy consumption.

New, Hopefully Improved

I'm entering some new phase of sorts. It started after the honeymoon. Coincidence? I don't know. So I can't think of all the little things that have been happening, but yesterday, I wore a black skirt and a brown sweater with a pink floral collared shirt underneath. I have also recentely gotten my hair cut, short for my usual style and all layered. As normal as this may sound its very strange and abnormal to me. I'm monochromatic as a general rule and that's nearly all stemmed from the fact that I have no fashion sense. I wear black with something, rarely brown, but always solid in color I don't mix colors when it comes to my clothing. I don't change my hair style all that often. I'm what I affectionately term a non-creative loyalist. I've noticed these things and haven't really thought much about them, they've just happened, I took minor note, and I've moved on with life. So last night I was watching my obligatory Northern Exposure (NE) episode and it was all about Spring and awakenings and the newness and the changes that come from them. In NE's comic yet thought provoking way they waxed on about how we either embrace or rebel against the inevitable changes that come with the Spring thaw and the consequences and rewards of each attitude towards it. It all struck a chord with me and a light when on in my head. I started thinking about the little changes that have been taking place, and they are rather inocuous, but changes nonetheless.

I think I'm morphing again. I realize its ongoing over the last couple years, well since I sort of started this blog. But at this juncture in time, its a step more profound than my normal. Its starting to steam roll just a bit.

I have to believe its a good thing and good things will come of it.

Food for Thought and Shimmery Lips

First thought:

Click away my pretties. This is an easy little article from the NY Times (I love the NY Times), actually, I just love anything New York. It suggests five easy ways to start going organic and a little on why certain products we buy and put into our bodies as fuel should be organic if nothing else in our lives is.

You are what you eat. What do you want to be?

Part II:

A few months ago, I was in my sister in law's vehicle in dire need of something to go on my lips, aka chapstick or the like. She had a tube of something in her console which I borrowed. It turned out to be Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer in the shade of Champagne (shown on the left). It was lovely. It felt cool and light on my lips and added a touch of sparkle yet it wasn't a heavy lipstick. I loved it and immediately went out to buy some. While we were on our honeymoon and I actually had a rather nice tan, I put some on for a night out to Luau with my Mister. Mister was underimpressed since my lips were lighter than my skin tone and I looked a little like a refugee from the '70's. So, upon my return to the land of the Northwest, I went to find another shade, because I just love the stuff so much. Anyway, I ended up with the Toffee and Cocoa because I couldn't decide in the store and besides a girl needs choices. I love them both! I can just put some on like I would normally put on my colorless chapstick/blistex products but I end up with a little color. At the same time, I don't have to worry about getting lipstick on my teeth or whether I have the right lip liner with me to match and did I get it all on straight or do I look like I've had collagen injections or just been to the berry patch snacking like a big old bear. Anyway, I am recommending this wonderful product, well, because of all the aforementioned stuff. Did I mention because its not a heavy substance like lipstick, its VERY **kissable** with a light minty flavor. No complaints or sudden pulling away from the Mister like occassionally happens when I have on the real stuff. That's a plus that need only be mentioned by itself, if you ask me. Oh, and plus, its natural and doesn't cost as much as a good lipstick. I'm all for the spending of less money. Notice how I didn't say "saving money". Because, whether I like it or not, spending any amount isn't saving. But, I digress.

Just Tuesday

Are there things you want to do that seem a little 'out there'? Things that seemingly normal people would never do and then you look on the internet and it seems there are normal people out there doing those things. Like, I would love to write a cook book. I'd love to be able to stay at home and create luscious and devine desserts and delectable and savory meals and write them down in a cook book with beautiful photographs, that I've taken, of all of it. That's my 'out there' thing I dream about. Seriously, how does anyone afford to live, pay the mortgage, buy groceries and have some kind of social life and they don't seem to work outside the home. I can't imagine how its done. Are they all self made millionaires? Trust fund babies? Married to wealthy doctor or sports icon types? On the flip side, who'd eat all that stuff I made. Well, the answer would be, me. I guess that wouldn't really work out as I'd be as big as a house and probably stuck inside one. Anyway, those are my thoughts this lovely cold, damp morning in the northwest.

Magic Cookie Bars

I made these this weekend. (Photo by Mister)

With some modifications. I doubled the crust, it seemed far too thin when I put it in the pan. I did not measure the chocolate, coconut or nuts. The amounts called for in the recipe seemed a little sparse. So, I at least doubled the amounts of each (at least). I figure if you're going to eat magic cookie bars, counting calories isn't on your priority list for that moment in time and they at least should be worth eating. Everyone liked them, even the ones who are dairy eaters.

Moon - Honey that is

The honeymooners before our trek to the bottom. We hiked to the beach at the bottom of the valley behind us. It is one of the 7 valleys in Waipi'o Valley. Not a big deal really, except that the road down is extremely steep. You are not allowed to drive down unless you have a 4-wheel drive and they take your license number before you go to make sure you come out ok.

Yup, this is the road. Mister, me bro and his chikita. Still further to walk down and then, later, we had to walk up, which was just slightly more taxing than walking down. But a great little hike.

There is a black sand beach at the bottom, very nice. The only bad part about this was at the bottom of the little valley there was a river and we had had a LOT of rain, the point being, there were many mosquitos. That evening I counted the bites on one leg, 17. I didn't have the heart to count any more.

Pretention

I am amazed when I find myself feeling about things the way I think things shouldn't be looked at. Ok, that was a confusing sentence. The specifics are this, there's a restaurant here in P-town called Blue Hour. Its what I would consider a slightly (if not quite) pretentious place with those really starched white tablecloths and super high ceilings with oppressively draped windows in a building that was once probably some storage place or automobile dealership in the days when dealerships were inside buildings and prices to match all the hype. I really dislike when I feel discriminatory and to me, this feels pretentious on my part. "It just too hoity-toity for me." What is up with that? Why do I feel the need to be so judgey. I've been there and its nice and the food is good and the drinks are pricey and its a place to be 'seen' and for some reason (maybe I'm just too 'frugal' to enjoy this type of thing) I have a negative feeling about the place.

So, there I am yesterday, doing my regular thing, which occassionally includes very random web browsing. You may know of what I speak. Anyway, I come across Wikipedia's explanation of 'blue hour'. I had no idea the phrase actually meant something. How very naive and quaint of me. Why wouldn't it mean something, its seems so random, how could it not.

Its a phrase coined by the French referring to the hour (actual time used loosely here) between sunset and when the light from the sun is actually completely gone, that is twilight or dusk as we would normally call it here in the 'states'. For some reason when I heard 'blue hour' as coined by the French, it all became romantic and surreal and as if seen through soft, vaseline smeared lenses. I understand it, I think. Now that I have my own little understanding, I think I could like the restaurant. I have an unnatural and unfounded desire to go and have pretentious appetizers and overly priced cocktails as the sun sets and the warm Spring breezes lightly stir the starched table cloths ever so gently and to stroll languidly into the evening with my Mister.

I like learning new things, even if it is that I'm too judgey. Its a good thing to know about ones self.

Randomness: Polling & That's just my life

1. Do you wear earrings every day?
2. What makes up a 'girly' girl?
3. What's your definition of 'high-maintenance'?
4. Do you know if you're 'high-maintenance'?

Random questions for this Tuesday morning. I take off all my jewelry when I get home each day. This includes my wedding ring. Is that strange? I just want to keep it clean and with as few scratches as possible. I don't want hindrances to whatever it is I need to do at home and having hoop earrings or a dangling necklace could be a hindrance. Over the years, I've known girls who can't seem to go out of the house without having on at least some jewelry. They would wear jewelry to the gym and for working in the yard and everywhere else too. It seems strange to me to have to clean your jewelry because you sweated all over it while working out.

~~~

I've not felt the love for the camera lately. It enters my mind that something would be great photographed, and then I just move on with life as if like gift giving, its the thought that counts. Well, in photography, it really isn't the thought but the click that counts. Things I thought of photographing this weekend. I made pecan & raisin sticky buns and cinnamon rolls. They didn't turn out perfectly, yeast breads are on my list of things to conquer, but were quite tasty. I made a rather wonderful, in my opinion and Mister agreed, braised beef (sorry to the veggies reading this). It was great though and actually pretty. I think I'm going to try these black eyed peas soon. I read that blog every day and always am inspired. Check out her recipe index, there's some fantastic looking stuff in there. I've cooked many of her recipes, some with more success than other, but they include, grean bean casserol, goddess dressing, creamy scalloped potatoes, I can't even remember. I just know a large percentage of her recipes appeal to me. I'm going to try the German chocolate cake frosting for Mister's birthday next month. I'll let you know how it turns out. Maybe I'll even photograph it. There's a thought.

I should have photographed the amazing yard work Mister did in the cold and wet this weekend, rearranging and moving huge plants and all manner of muddy things. It's more impressive in real life, OH and it would have been great in the telling too had I photographed it!

I guess that's my life. Food and mud, hmmm, how very exciting.

And, be a little frightened, its nigh on early in the morn' and I've already had two cups of coffee and just made myself a mocha. Yikes, I am scaring myself and will, I am sure, scare more before the morn' is over.

XO

Confused ...

... and the real caption to this post should be, "Just PMSing enough to wonder - who do you think you are?"

Here is a direct quote from an email I received from a 'concerned' neighbor to the house I lived in for 11+ years, that we still own and plan to keep as an investment property (we'll see how that goes) where I was on the Board for something like 9 of those years and, and, and, there's no end. I lived and experienced life in that house, my home, that was incredibly difficult to leave, even for a husband. We plan to rent it out and I get a very long winded email from this neighbor chastising me about property values and the 'type' of person who rents rather than owns and that signs (for-rent and for-sale) cause the neighborhood to devalue and is he freakin' serious?! Like anyone is going to try to sell their home without putting out a sign? "Like I have this like house for sale and I like don't think a sign would like, you know, be appropriate, cause, its a secret, you know?" (Sorry, its my best valley girl speak.) I read his diatribe and was incensed and nearly outraged and extremely put out. I showed Mister and he didn't seem to think it was any big deal, just that the guy was trying to be helpful. I think not. But then again, hormones, need I say more.

So anyway, I had to reply in a dignified manner which irked me also that I had to play nice when someone isn't playing nice with me, I really hate having to be the adult in situations like this.

So here's a quote:

Admittedly, there are a few folks out there that don't use the Internet and/or have never heard of Craig's List, but I don't think I'd want them renting from me. Who would you rather trust your home with, someone who searched Craig's List for a specific location and price range, or someone who stumbled on the home by noticing a For Rent sign?

Seriously? Discriminating against and thinking poorly of anyone who doesn't do all their shopping on Craig's List? You know you can buy ANYTHING on that list, right? So some guy's out there searching for long -legged pre-teen girls and stumbles upon my house that I have advertised for rent and he's a better candidate than the person who happens to drive through the neighborhood because they like the area and sees our For-Rent sign?

I know its not that simple, it just ticked me off. He went on to tell me to not rent to anyone who was 'untrustworthy'. Seriously? Does he think there's a box to check on the rental application that asks "Are you trustworthy? check this box for Yes, check this box for No." Do I need to go on any more about the insipidness of that type of comment? Its just too obvious to even respond to. Its the type of thing that leaves my jaw hanging open and a stupid look on my face because the comment is so ridiculous.

Oy, remember, earlier, when I asked if you were scared yet due to my caffeine intake? This is the result. I'm done ranting. For now.

Just Watching: Northern Exposure

I'm currently making my way through Northern Exposure. Do you remember that? I never watched it during its real run on the teevee, not sure exactly why, but I am now catching up with the rest of society.

Its not heart stopping or gripping or amazing, but I like it. The characters are growing on me, they are developing into people with quirks and eccentricities and they seem to represent a wonderfully exaggerated cross section of personalities. A fabulous cast, Rob Morrow, Janine Turner and my favorite, John Corbett (of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Sex and the City (Aidan), to name just a couple.

I've just begun season three. From what I've seen and heard, this is the peak of the seasons and its all downhill from here, so, my review as of now is, this is a fun, light and comical show to take your mind somewhere almost whimsical. Makes me want to move to Alaska and work as a waitress and not worry about this rat-race we (I) seem to be consumed in.

Just Watched: The Simpsons Movie

Ahem... In my humble opinion, don't bother.

Home Body

So, I'm a home body. Do ya'll know that? I'd rather be at home cuddled in snuggly warmth with a kitty and a Mister than out partying with the 'in' crowd on New Year's Eve. I'd rather be home tidying up the clutter, de-greasing the oven and de-soap-scumming the shower than be at a hip new club dancing my tuchas off in the wee hours of the morn'. Its just who I am. I know I should be more social. I really do like people, I just want them to come to my house and then leave at an appropriate hour so I can de-whatever I need to de- before cozying into my bed with the Mister and a fuzzy kitty for the night. I'm not quite a hermit, but those are my druthers. (As an aside, I was just looking a 'druthers' and thinking, hmmm, that's got to be a colloquialish contraction of "would rather" and then upon looking it up, it is. I like when words are fun and colloquial.)

Anyway, in the light of getting 'out' more often, I (me) actually set up an evening out with friends tonight and this may not seem like much, but, its pretty big for me. I usually am invited to a function, say I'd LOVE to be there (which I really do want to be there, in theory) and then spend the hours just prior to the engagement figuring out what excuses I can use to get out of going to said event. I know! I know! I suck, but last year (not a resolution, let's be firm on that) I did not weasel out of events, but went and had a good time. Its still a stressful couple hours before hand when I really wish to find a legitimate reason to not attend, but I nearly always just have a fantastic time, I do like people, I don't know why I have these issues.

So I set up a 'thing' tonight and am quite happy about having done so. I need to stretch myself, get outside of my own sphere of hermitness, my little bubble of cozy and do some more experiencing of life and its sweet and tasty fruits. I'm sure around 5:30, I'll be wishing for the flu to fall upon me with an 8 hour life span, you know, just long enough for me to get out of the evening's fun and games and then I'll want to be 100% fine in the morning so I can hermit myself away in bliss. At least I can admit it. Its taken me a long time to be able to do just that.

Oy! Seriously, this is me and my thoughts. Are you scared yet?

Morning - Third of January

I sometimes see something in my mind's eye and its got so much potential. Execution isn't always my forte in photography, but, that's ok, its my blog and I'm not a professional. Ack! How very annoying now that I've written it down for all to see, but I'm leaving it up anyway.

Starting out right

Welcome to 2008.

I hate to say it, but it really is hard to imagine we are here, here in this time period. All the world and its perils and conundrums and in spite of all that, I have my own demons with which I wrestle.

Speaking of which, Wow! what a year 2007 was for me personally: incredible professional upheaval, employees who were selfish and inept and actual real-life thieves, new co-workers who have turned out to be rather wonderful, an engagement, a wedding, a honeymoon, a new home and a new kitty, just to name the stressors that jump out at me.

I reflect, a lot. Its how I process. I re-examine the past and do my best to move forward in a positive direction. Given that, I thought this self-portrait was appropo. "Me, and how I reflect" to start the new year off.

So, lets begin with a light, freshened outlook. Hope, peace, love, inspiration, friends, family, wonder, patience, kindness, faith, gentleness, kindness, awe, innocence ... These are the things I look forward to, now at the beginning of a new year and on into the future.